I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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