i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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