Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
