Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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