ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I think I died a long time ago.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize