i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
