You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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