Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
