He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I supernannyed him into submission
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