i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
