PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
