Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
