Do you still have your period?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
