I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
