Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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