my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
