The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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