There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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