It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
