There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
