Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
