Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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