Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
