so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
