You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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