She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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