I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
