Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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