Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
