2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
