Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
