I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
