I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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