She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
