I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
