i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just took my morning after pill in the library
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
