I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am puke
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
