Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
