I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
