What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
