I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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