I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
