she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
