I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
