Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
