He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
