everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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