Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
