Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
