Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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