So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
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