no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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