She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
