Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
