Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
