Is it normal to miss your booty call?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My life is pants optional.
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