i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
