Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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