Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
