Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
