That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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