Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
