No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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