FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize