I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
