Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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