If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
