Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This is the high leading the old right now
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
