..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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