Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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