she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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