I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize