brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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