I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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