Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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