I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
