i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
