Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
