the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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