This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
